The Truth About Raising Twins

There are a lot of things people like to tell you about having twins.

That the next 18 years will be a chaotic blur.

That you'll always have your hands full.

That you'll never have time to yourself again and you can kiss who you were goodbye.

And for some reason, there's always someone who will delight in telling a twin-mom-to-be about her high school friend who had to be on hospital bed rest for the last 6 months of her twin pregnancy, of her sister's neighbor who gained 100 lbs. while pregnant with twins, or her cousin's friend's sorority sister's twins who were such terrors that their bedrooms were stripped down to nothing but bare mattresses on the floor because of the wanton destruction that would ensue every time the boys were left alone together. These kinds of people also like to add statements like, "Wow, I could never be a mom of twins," or, "Better you than me."

I've heard all this and more in the year since I first found out I was pregnant with twins, and I'll likely keep hearing it for the rest of my days as a Mom of Multiples.

But here's the thing: This isn't the truth. Not really. And that's why I feel the need to tell you, right here and now, the real truth about raising twins:

It's not that bad.

Really.

All you skeptics, hear me out. I'm not glossing over the details to give false hope, or to make any mother feel bad because her twins aren't perfect angelic beings. And I'm not saying that having multiples isn't difficult. It is. But it's not the great curse some people seem to think it is. There are reasons to back up my claim — solid reasons, ones you may not be expecting, so stay with me on this.

First, let me tell you about reason #1...

I first found out I was expecting twins when I was 10 weeks along. I was shocked. And delighted. And horrified. And bewildered. And terrified. All that and then some. I'm ever the optimist, but I had heard a million horror stories about life with twins. I just didn't know what to think.

So I did what I always do when confronted with a problem I don't know how to solve: I turned to books.

I went to the library and checked out all the books they had on twin pregnancy and raising twins. Some of them were great, like "Twin Sense: A Sanity-Saving Guide for Raising Twins — From Pregnancy Through the First Year." Some of them were interesting but not super helpful in the practical sense, like "Twins: Pregnancy, Birth, and the First Year of Life."

And then there was "Double Time: How I Survived — And Mostly Thrived — Through the First Three Years of Mothering Twins" by Jane Roper. It was just what I had been looking for: a glimpse at the future, a look at what day-to-day life might be like once my girls were finally here.

It was nicely written, and at first I could really identify with Jane. She was (is) a writer, and like me she was quite shocked about being pregnant with twins. And, she struggled with depression both before and after her babies were born. As the book went on, it taught me something very important — something the author didn't intend at all, but something far more meaningful to me than any message she had hoped to convey.

The epiphany came during one chapter in particular about the insanity of having two newly-walking toddlers seeking to destroy anything they can get their pudgy little hands on. The tale was harrowing but silly, really, though it did stress me out to read about one little girl darting toward a vase on the coffee table while the other dove into the dog dish, and then the next thing you know they're both going to blows over a toy piano before wailing at the top of their lungs until being plied with more fishy crackers.

Then there was the anecdote about taking the girls to the park alone for the first time. They were about 16 months, and the experience was no less harrowing: One daughter began stuffing wood chips into her mouth as the other was about to dive off the side of a 5-foot high play structure, and later the first child tumbled head first off the slide while her sister made a break for it and started running out of the park.

Reading this reminded me of the day I first took my son to the park when he was around the same age. And though there was just one of him, the story was much the same — misadventure and frustration at every turn, until I finally packed it in and headed home. We didn't go back to the park for several months, not until he was old enough to not go blindly walking off the jungle gym or get seriously hurt by a little tumble down the slide.

So as I read all this and remembered my own similar tale of woe I caught myself thinking, "Well, that's what you get for taking a child that age to the park."

And that's when it hit me: These problems aren't twin problems. They're just mom problems — and first-time mom problems, at that. I had been through this before, and now I know to have the house baby-proofed long before my girls are walking. I know not to leave anything out that would do any harm if digested, or anything that would take more than 2 minutes to clean up after my children have crashed their way through it. I know that answering screams with crackers only begets more screams when the crackers are gone, and I certainly know now not to take my kids to the park by myself until they're old enough to handle it if I can't be there to catch them.

Suddenly I realized that having twins wasn't going to be that hard. (At least, not as hard as I had first feared.) A lot of it had to do with the fact that I'm not a first-timer anymore, but mostly, my big realization was this: Having two (or more) children doesn't automatically make it harder than having one.

No matter how many children you have, you will still have to learn these lessons by trial and error, just like every mother who has ever gone before you. It's not the number of children that makes parenting difficult. Being a parent just IS difficult. Period. But we all get through it and come out wiser in the end.

That was the moment I stopped being afraid. After all, I had survived my son's baby and toddler years, and billions of other mothers before me have, as well. Not only that, I learned from all the drama and woe and became a much stronger person and a wiser, more patient mother. Whatever my twins could throw at me, I could handle. If not at first, eventually. And we would all be that much better for it.

Now, reason #2 takes us back to the beginning, about all those awful twin stories that keep circling around. If I led you to believe that those little anecdotes I shared weren't true, I'm sorry ... because they are. The woman on hospital bed rest for 6 months, the mom who gained 100 lbs., and the holy terror twins with nothing but mattresses and light bulbs in their room are all real people that I know. What I mean to say is, even these real-life events aren't the whole truth about life with twins.

Each of these things, though dramatic and unpleasant, represent just a moment in time. They are preceded by highs and perhaps followed by more lows, but they are not constant and they don't last forever. Those brave women went on to have healthy babies and get their bodies back. I'm sorry to say that those rambunctious boys are still in that phase today, but they weren't always like this, and they won't be forever. The destructive phase will end and they will turn their energy to other things, like taking apart appliances to see how they work — maybe only slightly less frustrating, but perhaps the beginning of a brilliant engineering career. And after surviving this, I have no doubt that there's nothing their parents can't handle. Take it from me, whose first child screamed like a banshee the whole first year of his life. Now, almost 3 years later, I'm like a zen master when it comes to screaming. It barely even fazes me.

Please don't misunderstand me: I don't mean that being a mom of twins isn't hard. It is. And then some, boy howdy. But I don't need pity just because I'm a mom of multiples. It's certainly not the hardest thing I've ever been through; not by a long shot. But that's just life. Sometimes my twins are accidentally beating the daylights out of each other, sometimes screaming like a bag of alleycats while my son is stomping and whining for more TV and more crackers.

But then other times (more often than not), they're smiling and just happy to be with each other and with me.

The point I'm trying to make is, I'm not cursed because I have twins, and my life isn't infinitely harder because I was given two babies at once. I am infinitely blessed because I was given three children, and I get to be their mother.

Yes, having twins comes with its own unique challenges that parents of singletons will never experience. Like I said, sometimes it is just plain crazy. But the challenges we face aren't insurmountable obstacles. And let's not forget this truth: Having one child isn't automatically easier than having two. Take it from me, whose sweet baby girls are 10 times easier together than my wily, determined son ever was, and is. (Seriously, I hit the new-baby jackpot with these girls.) But we get through it, and my son has made me the mom I am. Together the three of them will keep testing my patience and increasing my compassion, forever changing my heart and making me far better than anyone I could hope to be on my own.

So Mothers of Multiples, MoMs-to-be, and parents everywhere take heart. Things aren't always as bad as they seem. Who knows; they could be better than you ever thought possible. So smile, grit your teeth if you have to, and cherish this remarkable opportunity to become the mother you never knew you could be.

A day in the life

At a doctor's appointment the other day a nurse asked how life was with twins and if I was enjoying them. I confidently and truthfully answered that, actually, the girls are a piece of cake and, yes, I am really enjoying them.

Her eyes practically popped out of her head.

"Really?" she asked, incredulously. "I have never heard anyone say that before about twins."

And she's known a lot of parents.

Nobody could have been more shocked than I that this would be our reality, just four weeks after Beth and Sadie were born. I spent months preparing for the worst, and now here we are with every best-case scenario coming to be.

But maybe that's partially why things are so good. I was completely prepared (well, as much as you can be) for life with twins. I had read books, blogs and articles covering every aspect of newborn twin parenthood I could think of. I've polled twin mom message boards and sought informed opinions and advice every step of my pregnancy. And when it came to sleep — that thing we got none of for the first nine-plus months after Evan was born — I was more than prepared. I had a game plan, as well as Plans B and C. So although I embarked hesitantly on this journey, I had done my due diligence, and I was ready.

When you're a first-time parent, you get home with the baby and think, "Now what?" Even though I expected the first few months to a year with these girls to be complete and total anarchy, at least I knew the "what." The house was ready, and not just the nursery. Our living room, kitchen, and family room are stocked with baby swings, Boppy pillows, high chairs, and baskets with diapers, wipes, burp cloths, binkies, and blankets. The swaddle blankets and white noise are at the ready, and the kitchen is stocked with bottles and all associated feeding necessities. Plans A, B, and C were waiting...

But with these calm and mellow babies, we only ever needed Plan A.

In response to my ease with having twins the nurse said, "You must have them on a really good schedule." Yep, I do. They eat every 3-4 hours, after which I try to keep them awake for another half hour to an hour, then they get put back to bed for a few hours before starting all over again. And that's it: The easiest newborn schedule you'll ever find, and also the best for babies (according to my extensive research, that is).

So, for all other twin moms or moms-to-be like me looking for an idea of what life is like with newborn twins (and a rambunctious older sibling), here's how it goes, a very detailed, step-by-step account; a day in the life:

Morning

The babies wake up between 6:30 and 7:30. If they're up early enough, Aaron helps with the first feeding before heading to work. But usually, he keeps his morning routine: Getting ready and starting the day with Evan, who gleefully informs us he gets to "wake up early with Daddy and eat a snack and watch TV." I try to finish the feeding before Evan's movie is over, then I put the girls back down to bed for a few hours. This allows me to spend the first of the day one-on-one with Evan so he's not starting out feeling neglected from the get-go. We eat breakfast and play a bit, and if he hasn't watched too much TV yet I put something else on while I go take a shower and get ready.

(The cutest couch potato)

The girls wake up again around 10 or 11, ready for a bottle. If one wakes up before the other, I try to trick the still-sleeping baby into thinking her sister is still snoozing in the crib with her, coaxing another 15 minutes of sleep so I can finish feeding the first.

(Yes, this normal-sized stuffed animal is larger than my itty bitty Beth.)

If that doesn't work, or if they're both starving at the same time, I put them in their bouncer seats and prop them with a bottle. (I find this works better than holding one and propping the other, because I'll need both hands free since they'll both at some point drop the bottle or cough or spit up or need to be burped.)

(Post-bottle chill time)

At this point I consider this their official "morning," so I open the curtains, turn on the lights, change their clothes, and talk and interact to get them awake. I find that a diaper change after a feeding is best, because it gets them really awake so they don't fall asleep again right after they eat. They'll stay awake from anywhere between a half hour to an hour-and-a-half. Unfortunately, it takes me about this long to feed and diaper both. Then they're ready to be swaddled and tucked back in bed, curtains closed and white noise on, for their first nap.

This is the time of day I struggle with Evan. He has never been good at playing by himself, and any progress we've gained went out the windows when the twins were born. So I put together a huge box full of "busy bags," little games and activities he can do while I'm busy with the babies.

(Matching letters to cards with our names on them) 

Turns out these bags only keep his attention for about 2 minutes before he's in the nursery with us, so I try to engage him while feeding and diapering two babies — which, as it seems, is not easy. Sometimes he sits by me and we read, sometimes I give him my phone to play with, sometimes I turn on music and he wanders in and out with toys. Mostly he comes barreling in demanding I put on a movie, then wails and stomps when I tell him no because he already had a movie, or he's crashing his Transformers or trucks into their crib and bouncers and I become a broken record telling him that if he can't play softly in the babies' room he has to leave. But despite his antics, he usually gives the girls soft kisses while they eat and occasionally helps me burp and wipe their faces. This sweetness is worth the weeping and wailing, I assure you. Then again, once feeding and diapering and a little chill time is over, it's time to put the girls back to sleep for another nap.

(A little face time in the crib.)

Afternoon

Next Evan and I have lunch together, then play before he goes down for a nap. Oh yes, my 3-year-old still takes naps, and yes, I am well aware of how lucky I am! He sleeps about 2 hours, and during that time the babies usually wake to eat again around 2. I love this time with just my girls and me, even though it takes Evan's entire nap to take care of them one at a time (which is why I usually race through the house tidying up after he's gone down but before they get up).

Admittedly, his post-nap time period is my least favorite part of the day. Evan and I used to break up the drudgery by going somewhere fun, or even just running an errand, but it's no small feat to get out with my three kids in tow. It's not awful, but it is exhausting. If I don't need to leave the house, we don't. So for now, we are shut-ins. If Evan is particularly needy or I haven't slept well the night before, I usually cave and put on another movie, then we snuggle or I snooze on the couch while he watches (and climbs and jumps all over the couch while I'm on it).

Between 5 and 6 the babies are hungry again, and this time I bring them down to the family room for their feeding. I prop them on either side of me on the couch in their Boppy pillows with a bottle and feed them while Evan plays nearby.

("Hey, Mom, you're doing all right." *wink*)

I used to want Aaron to help with the feeding when he got home, but instead I like that he and Evan keep their routine of playing together and wrestling before dinner. It's especially good for Evan, but to be honest it's still helpful to me so that he is occupied and isn't demanding my attention while I'm feeding the girls.

(Tools on the floor and enjoying a good, old-fashioned beat-down. Boys will be boys.)

Evening

Next up is dinner. We have been so blessed to have many meals brought to us, but now it's time to get back to the grind. For now we are having super simple meals, and that includes things that have been pre-packaged and frozen. The girls get swaddled and put back to bed while I get things ready, and the rest of us eat together at the table. Afterward we clean up and then have a little family time, sans Beth and Sadie for now, where we play together or get some chores done. Around 8 we start Evan's bedtime routine of teeth brushing, hand washing, room cleaning, jammie changing, book reading, prayer giving, lullaby singing, and sleeping.

Usually right on cue, but occasionally before, the babies are awake and crying to be fed at this point. Aaron and I take them to the family room with us and watch a movie while we feed and change the girls. This is my other favorite time of the day with them, where we get to just hold and snuggle the girls for a few hours. This is another reason we keep the babies up late: so we get to relax and just spend time with them while they're little. And another big bonus: We feed them before we go to bed around 11, delaying their first night feeding for a few hours.

Night

Here's been the biggest shock about having these babies: They sleep — a lot, and well — at night. They usually wake up between 2:30 a.m. and 3:30 a.m. to eat ... and that's it. Asleep until morning, around 7 a.m. What's more, we can put them back in their crib nearly fully awake and they'll fall back asleep on their own. This is where I know we've been especially blessed, because our first child was just the opposite. While my Plan A really helps keep these girls to this schedule, they are really just that accommodating. As I've said before, we've hit the baby jackpot! So when one of the girls cries to eat, Aaron and I both get up and we each take a baby for a diaper change and a bottle. The whole ordeal takes about 40 minutes, occasionally an hour, and then it's back to bed for everyone.

And yes, they really do sleep like this:

(Heart melting. I dare you to find something cuter.)

After reading all of this, you're probably thinking, "Wow. That's a lot of work." And it is. Oh yes, it really is. On top of it, I haven't yet dropped my tidy-house standards and I refuse to do so. Mind you, this isn't deep cleaning we're talking about; I'll admit, the bathrooms are seldom scrubbed, vacuuming only happens if there's something large and noticeable to vacuum up, and who knows when I'll next get to dusting and all that. But a cluttery, messy house makes me feel chaotic and like I'm drowning in to-do's, so tidying and keeping up with the laundry are still at the top of my list. And as if that wasn't enough, I'm even working in some editing so we can afford to keep my girls in diapers.

So yes, it is a lot of work, and at some point I'll probably need to let more things slide. But for now, this is our life. And considering the alternative — chaos and crying babies and an angry 3-year-old and me curled up on the couch weeping and wishing I were anywhere else in the world — this work is so worth the effort. I am tired, but fueled by the adrenaline of keeping life going and everything and everyone on task and taken care of. And truly, it does feel great to take care of my home and family. It really is so much more rewarding than any professional career I could hope to have.

And I keep telling myself, this phase won't last forever. My babies won't be babies for long, and since we are now officially retired from the baby-making business I want to enjoy this time in our lives while it's here. I can't do that if I know I haven't been putting all my effort into it. So when I'm getting stressed or overwhelmed or just plain tired, I tell myself to put on my game face and get to work. My children need me, and truth be told, I need this. If I'm going to reap all the miraculous benefits of being a mother and putting my family first, I need to do just that: put my family first and fully immerse myself in motherhood.

So if you need me for the next 18-plus years, that's where I'll be.

Life after twin pregnancy: The first two weeks

It has been nearly two weeks since Beth and Sadie were born, and nothing is as I expected it to be.

It is so much better.

The night before

After what felt like the world's longest pregnancy capped off by a short but depressing hospital stay where I was put on bed rest for high blood pressure, the C-section date was bumped up one week. I thought I would be totally ready to get those babies out of there, but the night before their birth — and especially the morning of — I was seized with fear.

What if I couldn't do this — manage twin newborns and a 3-year-old? What if the babies were colicky or fussy or sick or wouldn't sleep at night? What if the worst in Evan came out at once and our world was ruled by three screaming children? What if I got postpartum depression again and spent my days and nights in tears? What if I couldn't love my children enough?

I tried to keep these thoughts at bay, but I still hardly slept a wink the night before my scheduled C-section. Couple that with the fact that the babies were going nuts the night before, kicking and wrestling and rolling, and it was a restless night. So when the nurse came in at 5:30 a.m., I was practically already out the door. Aaron joined us shortly thereafter while they monitored the babies and prepped me for surgery. Neither of us said much, partly because of the early hour but more likely because we both had the same anxieties. Nevertheless, it was time to go.

The surgery

I waddled on down to the operating room (quite a victory for an about-to-burst mother of twins), where we were joined by our large medical team: the anesthesiologist, my OBGYN, several nurses, a surgical assistant, two pediatricians, and NICU staff. Ready or not, the time had come.

When I had my C-section for Evan, I was so ready. I had been in labor for 36 hours and he was stuck every which way, so we were overjoyed to be finally done and get him born. This time, I had way too much time to think about the surgery beforehand. I was pretty nervous, which may or may not have contributed to the unpleasant experience of throwing up while strapped to the operating table — not once, not twice, but four times. And twice more in recovery. Not a pleasant start to the proceedings. But once the surgery was actually underway, things got much better.

Up first was Baby A, Beth. My doctor told us she was about to be born but stopped with a laugh, saying Beth was helping deliver herself: Apparently she had reached out and grabbed onto one of the surgical tools and was pulling quite fiercely. At 7:07 a.m. weighing 4 lbs. 10 oz., Elizabeth Lindsay was born. Next up was Baby B, Sadie, who had turned during the night (again) and came out feet first. At 7:08 a.m. weighting 4 lbs. 14 oz., Sadie May was born.

Most moms of multiples say it takes weeks if not months for twins to realize there's another baby there and to acknowledge their sibling, but Beth and Sadie found each other right away.

And they have been like that since. While they're too young to understand anything that's actually going on, when lying side by side they always find each other.

We often find them in their cribs just like this, heads turned toward one another, foreheads and even cheeks touching.

The babies

This is how sweet our girls have been since day one, and now almost 2 weeks later, not much has changed.

Nothing bothers them, other than being hungry or naked and cold. And even then, they calm down right away. They need no help falling asleep or staying asleep, and they're incredibly mellow pretty much 24/7. My theory is that they have been kicked, shoved, and pushed around in the womb for their entire existence, so they're just used to being harassed. Couple this with the fact that they always have another little body nearby to comfort them, and they never get so carried away that a little cuddle doesn't calm them down in a snap.

Probably the best thing of all is that they sleep at night. Aaron and I have been keeping them up with us after Evan goes to bed, giving them awake time and a feeding just before we go to bed around 11. Other than the first night home, where they fussed from about 2 a.m. to 5 a.m., they have only woken up to eat once in the night. Yes, once. So they eat around 11 p.m., 3 or 4 a.m., and 8 or 9 a.m. Oh yeah, we've hit the new baby jackpot.

Some of you may be saying, "Yeah, they're mellow because they're newborns, and sleeping is all they do." Not so, my friends. Our first newborn did NOT sleep. He didn't do anything but scream since the day he was born, so we know what a drastic difference this is. In fact, the most surprising thing of all is the fact that these two newborns are 50 times easier than Evan not just as a baby, but still now as a 3-year-old. Other than the time it takes to feed and change two babies, they are a piece of cake. I am actually enjoying this stage that I've spent years dreading!

It doesn't hurt that the twins are as healthy as they come; poor little Evan had a rough start. It took us months until we figured out that he had acid reflux, a dairy intolerance, and a kinked neck and spine from a traumatic labor, so I don't blame him for being pissed at the start.

But despite being born at just 36 weeks gestation, the girls are remarkably healthy. The NICU staff was standing by, but everyone was shocked that the twins didn't need a single thing at birth. They had no breathing problems, no feeding issues, no jaundice, nothing. Other than being tiny, you would never know they were born an entire month earlier than most single babies.

In this picture, Beth is one week old. Had I still been pregnant they'd be at 37 weeks gestation. This shows you just how tiny they really are, chicken legs and all!

But other than being skinny minnies, they are absolutely perfect. What a rare and immense blessing!

In the end, I think this mellowness really just has to do with temperament. Evan has always been an all-or-nothing kid. When he's happy, he is HaPpY!!!!! When he's not, look out. So far, it seems like these girls don't go to the same extremes — not even close. Time will tell, as they grow out of the newborn phase and start to be their own people. But my hope is that right now while they are so easy, we'll get them on a good schedule and teach them good habits so that by the time the newborn spell wears off they'll be trained, for lack of a better word, and happy.

The recovery

Turns out I didn't need to be nervous for the surgery at all. It was no walk in the park, but the aftermath wasn't nearly as bad as after my first C-section, which was preceded by 36 hours of labor. I have been reading a bunch of blogs about recovery after a twin birth, trying to prepare myself for whatever madness may lie ahead. But once again, I got the best-case scenarios and seemed to recover in a flash.

Well, it's not like I was dancing around the hospital room. I had a lot of pain and I could only walk slowly, inch by inch, but I was up the next day. The funny thing is, recovering from a C-section pretty much felt exactly like being extremely pregnant with twins, so I was already used to that. The main difference: Every day got better, not worse.

This is me just one or two days after delivery. Not too shabby, eh?

Other than pain from the incision, the worst side effect was the swelling, which was partially from pregnancy and partially from IV fluid. Luckily, while on bed rest I got rid of most of it and probably the rest by the time I got home.

Remember this?

Down to this a week after delivery:

Also, I don't think the incision pain would have been so bad on its own, but I got a terrible cough while in the hospital. Every time I had to cough, it felt like my incision was being torn open again. That sucked, but even then the pain was manageable. By the time we left the hospital three days later I didn't need pain pills. I could walk almost at a normal speed, though in short distances only. A week after the birth we even made a little family trip to the mall. I couldn't go far, but it's a far cry from post-surgery with Evan, where I could still barely hobble a month later. 

The other amazing thing — that thing which all mothers-to-be are so anxious about — is that just 2 weeks after delivery, my belly is miraculously almost back to normal size and I am only about 10 lbs. above my pre-baby weight.

Remember this, just a week before delivery?

Bam, three weeks later.

Whenever someone tells me I look good I've been joking that all I had to do was have major surgery to remove two humans from my body. Easy peasy! 

Of course it wasn't so easy, but it is astounding to me how long ago my pregnancy feels. I never thought I'd say this in a million years, never ever ever, but ... I almost miss it. Almost. Yes, it sucked, but it was also miraculous. What an incredible thing, to grow not just one baby but two! To have them here now, so healthy and strong, makes me feel pretty amazing. I can't believe I did that! All on my own, I not only survived but I kicked twin pregnancy's butt! 

And to bounce back so quickly almost makes me feel even more amazing, but strangely it feels sad that reminders of such a long and arduous task would vanish just like that. It must be how Olympians feel after the Olympics are suddenly over. This also must be why Mother Nature is letting me keep a stomach full of stretch marks. She couldn't let me feel too hot to trot or forget that monumental accomplishment so soon.

All in all, this quick return to normalcy has done wonders for my moods, which I was very concerned about beforehand. I got terrible postpartum depression with Evan, almost immediately and for many months. I was prepared for that, but again I was pleasantly surprised at the reality.

When we got home I was suddenly overwhelmed by how much I had missed being there with my family. I was only gone a week, but that feels like a month when you have a small child. I missed the daily routine with Evan, and I know he really missed me. When I stopped to think about that I really got depressed. I felt cheated out of not only the week, but by the fact that our routine was forever changed from that day on. I was lucky to have bonded with the girls already and I loved them dearly, but depression knows no logic. I was dreading the months ahead of trying to give enough attention to all three children, fumbling my way through each day and robbing my son of the happy, content life we had thus far led. It hit me hard.

But then I had an epiphany. I thought back to each time I had a meltdown over big changes, when life charged ahead and I felt cheated of the past and unprepared for the future. At those times I felt safe and loved the place I was at, but looking back, I would never, EVER want to revisit them. My life has just gotten better and better exponentially, rocky roads notwithstanding. And though I knew a rough road may lie ahead, I also knew that whatever was beyond it would be wonderfully, gloriously fulfilling.

Since then I've had a small handful of brief weepy moments, but blessedly I've been completely content — even blissfully happy at times. These children, all three of them, are just so incredible. It is hard for me to be so in demand and so crazy busy, but the amount of love here is also truly amazing. They need me, and while that feels so draining at times, I keep telling myself that this is why I was put here on this earth: to give when I am needed, even beyond what I think I have to offer. I'm going to have to remind myself of this over and over and over throughout the years, I know. But it's worth remembering. 

Two naps to one: Surviving the transition and getting things done

A friend's Facebook post reminded me of a dark and woeful time when Evan stopped taking two naps a day. Suddenly I was forced to do the things I had barely been able to accomplish during two naps in the space of about an hour. On top of taking care of the house, making important phone calls uninterrupted, showering and getting ready, and catching up on my freelance work, nap time is the only time to find a moment to relax during the crazy toddler day. When more than half of that time is suddenly gone, it turns even the most orderly mom into a depressed, anxious shell of a woman.

At least that's what it did to me. But after a week or two of moping, I had to face the reality that the second nap was never going to come back — and some day soon, naps will be a thing of the past altogether. I realized I had to adapt and change the way I do things in order to keep up with the new world order.

Keep in mind that the first few months of this transition will not be easy. Few if any children will magically switch to taking one long nap consistently. Finding the right nap time takes a lot of trial and error, and even then, it's still a bit different for us every day. It took several months for Evan to become a solid one-a-day, two-hour sleeper — and still we have some days where his nap is three hours and others one. The point is, just know that this period sucks no matter what, and that flexibility is the key to surviving this whole thing.

Here are some tips for making a the transition from two naps to one a smooth one.

Watch for your child's sleep cues. The signs may be different, but every child has them. Some kids start to space out, others get hyper, but most start to yawn and rub their eyes and get a little cranky. It's important to watch for this at all times, because there may be a point where your child will suddenly need an early-morning nap or late-afternoon nap to compensate for the fewer hours of sleep. This may happen consistently (my son, for example, went back to taking two naps after a few months of one, but it only lasted a few blissful weeks) or it may be every once in a while when the previous day's sleep just didn't cut it. Be sure to get right to sleep when you see these cues, however. If you go too far past the sleep window, your child may be too revved to sleep at all.

Substitute quiet time for nap #2. Until you can push the start time of the first nap later in the day, you may still need that second nap. As mentioned above, some days your child will fall asleep, but resistance is a more typical response. For children who are content to play in their crib or bedroom, this won't be as much of an issue. For children who need help being settled, use this time frame for quiet, soothing activities. Turn the lights down, close the curtains, and read a few books, sing songs, or listen to quiet music. Having this down-time will help your child feel rejuvenated and help you both relax.

Put some structure in your child's day. If you don't already have a schedule or routine, now might be a good time to implement one. It can be as rigid or flexible as suits you both, but the important thing is to let your child know what's going to happen before it's going to happen. This will not only help him or her transition from one activity to the next, but if they know when to expect nap time and quiet time, it lessens the chance of resistance when the time comes.

Put some structure in your day. Finding ways to streamline your life now that your alone time is so drastically shortened is crucial. Planning ahead and dividing up your important tasks will go a long way to ensuring that they actually happen in a timely manner. If housework is a priority, set up a cleaning schedule to spread the chores out throughout the week. Do the same with errands so you're not trying to cram too much into a tired toddler's day. Get up early to shower and get ready before your child wakes, or take a relaxing bath at the end of the day. The point is to spread your to-do list items and your me-time wants so that they no longer depend on those nap time windows.

Get help. It's true that there just aren't enough hours in the day to do all that you need to do. Luckily, you don't have to go it alone. Enlist your husband's help and do chores together at night, or have him take your child for an outing while you tackle a big project on a Saturday afternoon. Send your child to the babysitter a few hours a week or organize a kid swap with a friend to be able to relax and cross some things off your to-do list. Chances are, if you have people in your life who care about you and your child, they'll be willing to help if you just ask.

Do more with your child. When you only have an hour or two alone during the day, you're going to have to decide which of those things you normally accomplished during nap time can be done with your child around. For some tasks, you'll have to get clever to figure out how to do this with a toddler underfoot. As they say, cleaning the house with a toddler in it is as useless as brushing your teeth while eating Oreos. Look for an engaging activity (not just plunking her in front of the TV) to keep your child entertained while you pay the bills, give her her own pretend "makeup" to put on while you do yours, let him play on an old computer keyboard while you catch up on e-mails, and find ways for your child to do household chores with you (much more on this to come!). At this age they love doing whatever you're doing, so capitalize on this to get everything you can finished during awake time — without compromising your connection with your child — to save the really important alone-time tasks for naps.

Compromise. This transition is seldom a smooth one, for your child or you. While you may have the perfect plan in place, understand that chances are it's not going to happen, at least at one time or another. But remember, this isn't just about making your day easier — it's about doing what's best for your child's physical and emotional health. Keeping this in mind will help you keep some perspective when things don't go so well. You will also have to compromise some of your needs in order to smooth this transition along. Some of these sacrifices may be permanent, others just temporary. It may be tough to accept this, but that's what motherhood is all about: sacrificing for the greater good of your child and your family. In the long run, paying attention to your child's cues and addressing his needs are crucial to fostering trust and love and, ultimately, ensuring cooperation. And that makes everyone happy.