The unintentional blogging hiatus hasn't truly been for naught. So much has been going on that I've wanted to write about, but we chose to keep the news to ourselves for a while. But now the time has come to make our big announcement:
You read that right: We're expecting twins!
Believe me, no one was shocked more than Aaron and I to receive this news. Learning that you're going to have not one, but two babies at once is mind-blowing, to say the least — especially after what happened with my last pregnancy. It truly is a testament that God does not forget us. Things may not happen the way we want, hope, or expect, but if we have faith they will happen just the way they're supposed to.
Confession: That's not to say we're completely thrilled with the news. To be honest, I think we're equal parts excited and terrified. We realize what an incredible blessing this is, but it is also incredibly daunting. Every single day for the past few months I've had to balance the excitement of pregnancy with the fear that something will go wrong again. I've been just as grateful as I have been anxious, and it's exhausting to have those two emotions raging in equal share.
Now that I'm almost 12 weeks along and the risk of miscarriage is practically nil, I have a host of different worries, some of them great, some of them small. Will I be able to carry the babies full-term? At 5'2" with narrow hips, what on earth will happen to my body to make this pregnancy possible? And how am I going to come back from that?
Then there's the issue of helping Evan adjust to life with not one, but two new siblings — to say nothing of what a challenge it's going to be having two newborns at once! Will my postpartum depression come back? Will they be just as difficult as Evan was as a baby? Will they be easier? Will I be able to give all three children the love and attention they need?
And lastly, how on earth will we be able to afford any of it?
I don't want to sound ungrateful — words simply cannot express my gratitude that I am not only pregnant again, and we are healthy, but that I am being entrusted with two little spirits at once. But the plain truth is, I just don't know how to process it all yet. I don't know that I ever will; I think it will be one huge learn-as-you-go experience and I will have no choice but to take it as it comes. This does not sit well with a person like me, but perhaps that's why I'm being given this challenge. Therefore, I will accept it, and do my best to accept it gladly.
Now that we're finally spreading the news, however, I am simply loving all the well-wishes. Your enthusiasm is contagious, and it's what I desperately need right now. So thank you all so very, very much! I know that as things progress I'll be able to take it all in better and see the joys more than the unknown, and for that I am excited indeed.
I've been getting a lot of questions since we broke the news, so I thought I'd post a little FAQ.
Q: When did you find out?
A: Two-and-a-half weeks ago, at my first OB appointment. I was 9 or 10 weeks along and the doc wheeled in the little portable ultrasound machine so we could make sure there was a heartbeat and to check the dates. After just a few seconds she said, "Oh! There's two!" Shocked, I yelled, "Shut up!" And then I started laughing. It was so unexpected, and so baffling and exciting at the same time. She immediately sent me to get a full ultrasound to confirm this, and sure enough, there were two little babies, their tiny hearts beating away.
Q: How did you tell your husband?
A: He was at work and I wanted to tell him in person, so I had to wait about five hours for him to get home. It was torture, but I kept quiet and waited. When he got home I casually said, "I got an ultrasound printout. Take a look." His reaction was exactly mine: "Shut up!" Then he refused to believe me (as if I'd ever played a practical joke on him), until he finally realized this was legit.
Q: Do twins run in your family?
A: Not really. I have one set of fraternal twin cousins and on Aaron's side there are twins a few generations up, but nothing to suggest we were predisposed to have twins ourselves.
Q: Were you on fertility drugs?
A: Nope. This is completely spontaneous.
Q: How far along are you?
A: Almost 12 weeks, so a third of the way done!
Q: When are you due?
A: The official due date is February 10, but twins are usually born between 35 and 37 weeks, putting it some time in January.
Q: How have you been feeling?
A: It depends on the day. I'm exhausted beyond all reason and have had some terribly sick days, but on the whole I think things are improving at last. Hooray!
Again, thank you all for your enthusiasm and kind words. I'm starting to see all the wonderful benefits of having twins, and I am eager to keep going down that road.