Monday, January 6, 2014

The calm before the storm

It is the night of Monday, January 6, 2014. In approximately 9 hours, my baby girls will be born. What a journey it has been.

In a lot of ways, I have grown so much. In many others, I am just as overwhelmed as I was that July afternoon when I learned that I was carrying not one, but two babies. I wish there was some easy way to sum it all up, but there's no simple way to do it justice.

I would like to say that on the eve of this life-changing event, I am ready and eager for what awaits. But truthfully, I just don't know. I am certainly ready to be DONE being pregnant, but as for being eager to be a mom of multiples, I'm not so certain.

In fact, if I'm being completely honest, I'm not sure I'm even ready to have one new baby. Much of this has to do with the fact that babies have always made me nervous, even my own — and with good right, as we did not have an easy road with Evan.

But I think that's what makes this transition even more difficult. We have worked so hard to be good parents and work through the difficult phases, and I feel like we've made it through the worst of it (teenage years not withstanding). We are in such a good place right now. I am so proud of my sweet little boy. He is imaginative, playful, thoughtful, considerate, hilarious, rambunctious, and oh so smart. He is a delight to be around, and even though he has his moments (as all of us do), I am so impressed with how he handles his emotions — not just for a 3-year-old, but for anyone at any age. What an honor it is to be his mother and guide him through life.

It's hard to leave this phase behind and essentially uproot everything. The three of us are in a groove, and life is good. It's always sad to leave something great to embark into the unknown.

I'm probably thinking about this more than I should, because the reality is rarely as bad as the fear. But I've had nothing to do but think for the last few days: I've been on hospital bed rest since Saturday, alone in these four white walls to think and think and think. Under any other circumstances I'd probably enjoy the respite and down time. Now, it's almost been a recipe for disaster. But again, my wonderful family and friends have come to my aid and I haven't had too long to be left to my thoughts.

Cuddles with Mommy before leaving for the night

I can't let it go unsaid that I am extremely grateful. Despite the difficulties of these past few weeks, I have been blessed with incredible health. To go this far in pregnancy and be put on bed rest at nearly 36 weeks is amazing. To have near-perfect check ups each and every time is almost unheard-of. Our babies have been absolutely perfect in every way, and though I am hurting and my blood pressure keeps climbing, I have made it so far and have been so much stronger than I ever thought I could be. I know the thoughts and prayers of many have been with me, and I can feel them all.

And ready or not, it's time to move on. Time to meet these two little spirits who have been entrusted to us. Time to put my needs aside and focus on them and make our family work as one. Time to walk away from fear and go forward with faith that I have what it takes. Time to welcome the joy that is sure to accompany these babies in the years to come.

So on Tuesday, January 7, 2014, just after 6:30 a.m. our two little girls, Beth and Sadie, will be welcomed into the world.

Let the new journey begin.

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